Right as I was about to rip open the packaging on my BK “Dutch Apple Pie” ™ and “Have It freeze-dried, then micro-nuked into a gelatinous glob My Way” ®, I noticed the following small print:
After his encounter with an apple Sir Isaac Newton discovered the law of gravity. Now it’s your turn. What you […]

Recently scientists set out to determine if there is an area of the human brain designed explicitly for communication with god. And when researchers said ‘god’ they weren’t talking about some abstract metaphysical approximation; they seriously meant The Man Upstairs, the dishabille greybeard playing touchy-feely on the Sistine Chapel, the “Let there be light” guy, […]

Great Britain, land of sensitivity and tact, lays another one on us. “Hey, fattie! Having trouble getting a bun in the old oven? Too bad! You’ll get no help from us! Besides, you don’t want a kid anyway - after all, what would happen when it came time to teach the little porker about the […]

One time I was running this site about science, and we had just installed Google Adsense, and no matter which article page you landed on, the only ad was a picture ad for Octobong. No shit.
This is better:

That’s a screen capture of an MSNBC article, all about how the evil Pharma companies are out to […]

According to the BBC, all healthy cells have an internal hara-kiri circuit that automagically compels them to pull a Mishima if anything goes wrong. Cancer cells, uppity bitches that they are, ignore this directive, which is why they form tumors and kill you.
Solution? If the cancer cell ain’t gonna kill itself, send in a […]

OK, when we said “let us never speak of this again,” apparently muhfuggahs didn’t get the memo. The IAU’s decision to kill Pluto’s planet-status, barely 24 hours old, is already threatening to rend the astronomical community asunder, 95 Theses-style:
[IAU Chair Owen Gingerich] blamed the outcome in large part on a “revolt” by dynamicists - […]

What’s up with Polar Bear oat totes? Well I’ll tell you, you sick fuck:
Pollution, which can act like hormones and has been responsible for outright gender reversal in some species, has shrunk them mountain oysters, which are still averaging a respectable 3 inches in diameter. No one’s actually bothered to find out if this is […]

Yepper, the above observation comes straight from a new documentary entitled Darwin’s Deadly Legacy, which happily equates Darwinian evolution with Nazi Germany. If you assumed this thing was produced by anyone with a credible scientific pedigree you’re a retard. Set your TiVo now folks, this shit’s gonna be good. Just check out the all-star lineup […]

It’s official: Pluto has been summarily kicked out of the planetary family, presumably for being such a dirty drug-addled slut.
OK, it was actually more for being scientifically indistinguishable from a Kuiper Belt Object. Same dif. Anyhoo, the Beeb sez that from now on, textbooks around the globe will send #9 down the memory hole. […]